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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Physician
Physicians
Doctor
Treats
Doctors
Support
Family

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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
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Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
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We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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