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Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Water
Thought
Giving
Considering
Going
Hot
Coffee
Husband
Birth
Least

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
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We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
Phyllis Diller
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
Phyllis Diller
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
Phyllis Diller
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
Phyllis Diller