Quote

Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.

Phyllis Diller

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Going
Hot
Coffee
Husband
Birth
Least
Water
Thought
Giving
Considering

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

Image
I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
Phyllis Diller
Image
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Comedy is tragedy revisited.
Phyllis Diller
Image
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller
Image
It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
Phyllis Diller
Image
My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
Phyllis Diller
Image
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
Phyllis Diller
Image
I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
Phyllis Diller
Image
... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
Phyllis Diller
Image
For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
Phyllis Diller
Image
My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
Phyllis Diller
Image
If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
Phyllis Diller
Image
I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
Phyllis Diller
Image
When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
Phyllis Diller
Image
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
Phyllis Diller
Image
When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
Phyllis Diller