Quote

Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Going
Hot
Coffee
Husband
Birth
Least
Water
Thought
Giving
Considering

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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
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If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
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When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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