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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Long
Foolishly
Descended
Listened
Line
Lines
Mother

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
Phyllis Diller
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
Phyllis Diller
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller
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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
Phyllis Diller
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Phyllis Diller
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
Phyllis Diller
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
Phyllis Diller
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
Phyllis Diller
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
Phyllis Diller
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
Phyllis Diller
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
Phyllis Diller
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
Phyllis Diller
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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
Phyllis Diller
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
Phyllis Diller
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
Phyllis Diller
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
Phyllis Diller
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
Phyllis Diller
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I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
Phyllis Diller
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
Phyllis Diller
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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
Phyllis Diller