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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Mother
Long
Foolishly
Descended
Listened
Line
Lines

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
Phyllis Diller
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
Phyllis Diller
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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
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We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Phyllis Diller
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
Phyllis Diller
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
Phyllis Diller
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
Phyllis Diller
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He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
Phyllis Diller
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
Phyllis Diller
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
Phyllis Diller
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
Phyllis Diller
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
Phyllis Diller