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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Foolishly
Descended
Listened
Line
Lines
Mother
Long

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
Phyllis Diller
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
Phyllis Diller
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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
Phyllis Diller
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
Phyllis Diller
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If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
Phyllis Diller
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
Phyllis Diller
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
Phyllis Diller
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
Phyllis Diller
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
Phyllis Diller