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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Wants
Give
Giving
Beaters
Mixer
Lick
Shut
Husband
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power.
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
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Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
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