Quote

Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.

Phyllis Diller

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Home
Able
Striped
People
Checked
Halfway
Paper
Choose
Wall
Focus

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

Image
My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
Phyllis Diller
Image
How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
Phyllis Diller
Image
I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
Phyllis Diller
Image
My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
Phyllis Diller
Image
For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
Phyllis Diller
Image
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
Phyllis Diller
Image
When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
Phyllis Diller
Image
My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
Phyllis Diller
Image
I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
Phyllis Diller
Image
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller
Image
get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
Phyllis Diller
Image
I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
Phyllis Diller
Image
My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
Phyllis Diller
Image
A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
Phyllis Diller
Image
I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
Phyllis Diller
Image
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
Phyllis Diller