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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Focus
Home
Able
Striped
People
Checked
Halfway
Paper
Choose
Wall
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All mothers are working mothers.
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
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I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
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If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
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When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
Phyllis Diller
