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... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Breath
Breaths
Popular
Suddenly
Become
Would
Invested
Stock
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
Phyllis Diller
Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
Phyllis Diller
When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
Phyllis Diller
My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
Phyllis Diller
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
Phyllis Diller
If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
Phyllis Diller
Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.
Phyllis Diller
Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
Phyllis Diller
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller
For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
Phyllis Diller
When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
Phyllis Diller
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
Phyllis Diller
I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
Phyllis Diller
I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
Phyllis Diller
The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
Phyllis Diller
My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
Phyllis Diller
In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
Phyllis Diller
I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
Phyllis Diller
self-pity is better than none.
Phyllis Diller
Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
Phyllis Diller
