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... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Would
Invested
Stock
Breath
Breaths
Popular
Suddenly
Become
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
Phyllis Diller
My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
Phyllis Diller
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
Phyllis Diller
I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
Phyllis Diller
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller
You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
Phyllis Diller
There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money.
Phyllis Diller
I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
Phyllis Diller
My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
Phyllis Diller
Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
Phyllis Diller
Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
Phyllis Diller
It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
Phyllis Diller
My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
Phyllis Diller
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller
