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... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Popular
Suddenly
Become
Would
Invested
Stock
Breath
Breaths
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
Phyllis Diller
Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
Phyllis Diller
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
Phyllis Diller
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
Phyllis Diller
I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
Phyllis Diller
My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
Phyllis Diller
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller
My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
Phyllis Diller
My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
Phyllis Diller
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
Phyllis Diller
Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
Phyllis Diller
In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
Phyllis Diller
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller
