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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Lasts
Bride
Last
Recipe
Feelings
Brides
Going
Recipes
Like
Wedding
Cake
Married
Froze
Feeling
Doubled
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
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