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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Feelings
Brides
Going
Recipes
Like
Wedding
Cake
Married
Froze
Feeling
Doubled
Lasts
Bride
Last
Recipe

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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
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We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
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