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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Plastic
Looked
Face
Bouquet
Faces
Bouquets
Like
Surgeon
Elbows
Surgeons
Surgery

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
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I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
Phyllis Diller
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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