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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Dies
Age
Two
Body
Surgery
Plastic
Parts

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
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I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
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When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
Phyllis Diller
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Phyllis Diller
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This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
Phyllis Diller
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
Phyllis Diller
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller