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self-pity is better than none.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Self
Pity
None
Better

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: I'm not losing a son I'm gaining a couch.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
Phyllis Diller
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
Phyllis Diller