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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Ends
Bothers
Something
Hug
Never
Discussion
Kiss
Starts
Bother
Kissing
Tell
Irritates

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
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... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.
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Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
Phyllis Diller
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
Phyllis Diller
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
Phyllis Diller
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
Phyllis Diller
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
Phyllis Diller
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
Phyllis Diller
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Phyllis Diller