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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Bother
Kissing
Tell
Irritates
Ends
Bothers
Something
Hug
Never
Discussion
Kiss
Starts

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
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I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
Phyllis Diller
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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
Phyllis Diller
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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
Phyllis Diller
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
Phyllis Diller
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
Phyllis Diller
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
Phyllis Diller
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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
Phyllis Diller