Quote

Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Never
Discussion
Kiss
Starts
Bother
Kissing
Tell
Irritates
Ends
Bothers
Something
Hug

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
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Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
Phyllis Diller
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
Phyllis Diller
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
Phyllis Diller
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If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
Phyllis Diller
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
Phyllis Diller