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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Becoming
Humor
Way
Comedienne
Puberty
Adjusting

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I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
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Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
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Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
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