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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Humor
Way
Comedienne
Puberty
Adjusting
Becoming

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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self-pity is better than none.
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
Phyllis Diller
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
Phyllis Diller
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
Phyllis Diller
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It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
Phyllis Diller
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Phyllis Diller