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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Puberty
Adjusting
Becoming
Humor
Way
Comedienne

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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
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If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.
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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
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Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
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self-pity is better than none.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Phyllis Diller