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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Comedienne
Puberty
Adjusting
Becoming
Humor
Way

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
Phyllis Diller
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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
Phyllis Diller
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
Phyllis Diller
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
Phyllis Diller
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
Phyllis Diller
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Phyllis Diller
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I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
Phyllis Diller