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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Screw
Screws
Hats
Faces
Wrinkled
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
Phyllis Diller
I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
Phyllis Diller
You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
Phyllis Diller
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
Phyllis Diller
You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
Phyllis Diller
My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
Phyllis Diller
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
Phyllis Diller
I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
Phyllis Diller
Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
Phyllis Diller
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
Phyllis Diller
I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
Phyllis Diller
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller
If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
Phyllis Diller
I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
Phyllis Diller
I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
Phyllis Diller
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
Phyllis Diller
For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
Phyllis Diller
I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
Phyllis Diller
In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
Phyllis Diller
