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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Clothes
Else
Look
Looks
Take
Would
Men
Doctor
Love
Doctors

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
Phyllis Diller
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
Phyllis Diller
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Phyllis Diller
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Phyllis Diller
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
Phyllis Diller