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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Looks
Take
Would
Men
Doctor
Love
Doctors
Clothes
Else
Look

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
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There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money.
Phyllis Diller
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
Phyllis Diller
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
Phyllis Diller
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I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
Phyllis Diller
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
Phyllis Diller
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
Phyllis Diller
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
Phyllis Diller
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
Phyllis Diller
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My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
Phyllis Diller
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
Phyllis Diller