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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Along
Came
Easy
Tell
Right
Always
Wondered
Dating

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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power.
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
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We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.
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