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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Easy
Tell
Right
Always
Wondered
Dating
Along
Came

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
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Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
Phyllis Diller
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
Phyllis Diller
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
Phyllis Diller
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This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
Phyllis Diller
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
Phyllis Diller
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
Phyllis Diller
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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
Phyllis Diller
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
Phyllis Diller
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Phyllis Diller