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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Overpower
Karate
Perfume
Dating
Sick
Looking
Men

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
Phyllis Diller
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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
Phyllis Diller
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
Phyllis Diller
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
Phyllis Diller
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Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
Phyllis Diller
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Phyllis Diller
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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
Phyllis Diller
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
Phyllis Diller
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
Phyllis Diller
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
Phyllis Diller
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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
Phyllis Diller
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self-pity is better than none.
Phyllis Diller
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
Phyllis Diller
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
Phyllis Diller
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
Phyllis Diller
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller
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Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
Phyllis Diller
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
Phyllis Diller
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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
Phyllis Diller
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
Phyllis Diller