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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Men
Overpower
Karate
Perfume
Dating
Sick
Looking

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
Phyllis Diller
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
Phyllis Diller
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
Phyllis Diller
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
Phyllis Diller
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
Phyllis Diller