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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Sick
Looking
Men
Overpower
Karate
Perfume
Dating

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I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
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When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
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This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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self-pity is better than none.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
Phyllis Diller
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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
Phyllis Diller
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
Phyllis Diller
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
Phyllis Diller
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
Phyllis Diller
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Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
Phyllis Diller