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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Wells
Well
Marks
Bite
Bites
Mark
Higher
Growing

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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
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I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
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There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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