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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Wells
Well
Marks
Bite
Bites
Mark
Higher
Growing

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
Phyllis Diller
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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
Phyllis Diller
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
Phyllis Diller
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When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
Phyllis Diller