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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Wells
Well
Marks
Bite
Bites
Mark
Higher
Growing

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
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Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.
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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
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self-pity is better than none.
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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