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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Take
Pill
Pills
Grandchildren
Birth
Stills
Still

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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
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My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.
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When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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