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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Take
Pill
Pills
Grandchildren
Birth
Stills
Still

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
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You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
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The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
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When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
Phyllis Diller