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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Still
Take
Pill
Pills
Grandchildren
Birth
Stills

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
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I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed.
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
Phyllis Diller
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
Phyllis Diller
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If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
Phyllis Diller
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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
Phyllis Diller
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Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
Phyllis Diller