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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Pills
Grandchildren
Birth
Stills
Still
Take
Pill

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You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
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I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
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When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
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I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
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