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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Pills
Grandchildren
Birth
Stills
Still
Take
Pill

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
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Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
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This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.
Phyllis Diller
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
Phyllis Diller
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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
Phyllis Diller
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
Phyllis Diller
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller
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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
Phyllis Diller