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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Spots
Ought
Side
Sides
Funny
Come
Many
Onions
Liver
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
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We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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self-pity is better than none.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!
Phyllis Diller
