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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Spots
Ought
Side
Sides
Funny
Come
Many
Onions
Liver
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
Phyllis Diller
Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
Phyllis Diller
I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller
If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
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Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
Phyllis Diller
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
Phyllis Diller
We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
Phyllis Diller
It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
Phyllis Diller
We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
Phyllis Diller
Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
Phyllis Diller
Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
Phyllis Diller
