Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
Phyllis Diller
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Come
Many
Onions
Liver
Spots
Ought
Side
Sides
Funny
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
Phyllis Diller
When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
Phyllis Diller
Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
Phyllis Diller
Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
Phyllis Diller
Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
Phyllis Diller
If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
Phyllis Diller
It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
Phyllis Diller
I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
Phyllis Diller
I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
Phyllis Diller
I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.
Phyllis Diller
We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
Phyllis Diller
This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
Phyllis Diller
There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money.
Phyllis Diller
I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
Phyllis Diller
You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!
Phyllis Diller
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
Phyllis Diller
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
Phyllis Diller
Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
Phyllis Diller
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
Phyllis Diller
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
Phyllis Diller
