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In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Seems
States
Sixteen
Made
Driver
Years
License
Drivers
Insane
Family
Sense

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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
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Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
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self-pity is better than none.
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When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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