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In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Family
Sense
Seems
States
Sixteen
Made
Driver
Years
License
Drivers
Insane
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
Phyllis Diller
I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
Phyllis Diller
I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
Phyllis Diller
My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
Phyllis Diller
It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
Phyllis Diller
My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
Phyllis Diller
I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
Phyllis Diller
[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
Phyllis Diller
You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
Phyllis Diller
I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
Phyllis Diller
I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
Phyllis Diller
When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
Phyllis Diller
Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
Phyllis Diller
If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
Phyllis Diller
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
Phyllis Diller
How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
Phyllis Diller
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
Phyllis Diller
If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.
Phyllis Diller
He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
Phyllis Diller
