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In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Insane
Family
Sense
Seems
States
Sixteen
Made
Driver
Years
License
Drivers
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
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Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
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My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
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