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In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Sense
Seems
Sixteen
States
Driver
Made
License
Years
Drivers
Insane
Family

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Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
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When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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