Quote

We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Names
Different
Funny
Like
Kids
Wells
Named
Firsts
Hey
Well
Humorous
First
Dumb
Children

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.
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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
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I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
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Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
Phyllis Diller