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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Sex
Ankle
Promiscuous
Glove
Ankles
Gloves
Sister
Broke
Car
Compartment

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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
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I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
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It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.
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