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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Promiscuous
Glove
Ankles
Gloves
Sister
Broke
Car
Compartment
Sex
Ankle

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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
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When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: I'm not losing a son I'm gaining a couch.
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I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.
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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
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Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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