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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Money
Nothing
Love
Like
Marrying
Tennis
Sports

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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
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I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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