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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Straight
Buddhism
Numerology
Tried
Feng
Meditation
Shui
Works
Gin
Philosophy
Scientology
Best
Esoteric
Find
Transcendental

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
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He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.
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Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
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All mothers are working mothers.
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
Phyllis Diller
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
Phyllis Diller
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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
Phyllis Diller