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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Meditation
Shui
Works
Gin
Philosophy
Scientology
Best
Esoteric
Find
Transcendental
Straight
Buddhism
Numerology
Tried
Feng

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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
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Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
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Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
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When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
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I hate smart sales clerks. I said to one, What do you have in lingerie? She says, More than you'll ever have!
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