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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Meditation
Shui
Works
Gin
Philosophy
Scientology
Best
Esoteric
Find
Transcendental
Straight
Buddhism
Numerology
Tried
Feng

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
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My doctor is a family physician. He treats my family and I support his.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
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Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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self-pity is better than none.
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
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My father used to call me the laughing hyena.
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
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Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
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Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.
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Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
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