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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Fangs
Always
Gloves
Kiss
Kissing
Touch
Morning
Fighting
Fang
Inspirational

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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.
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It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
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My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.
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You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
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If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.
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My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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