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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Inspirational
Fang
Always
Fangs
Gloves
Kiss
Kissing
Touch
Morning
Fighting
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power.
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If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
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There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money.
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I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
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Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.
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Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
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Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
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I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.
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I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
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Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
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[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
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My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
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