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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Touch
Morning
Fighting
Inspirational
Fang
Always
Fangs
Gloves
Kiss
Kissing
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There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.
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I don’t want to sound like I’m on dope, but that hour is a high it’s as good as you can feel. A wonderful, wonderful happiness, and great power.
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
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I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
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Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.
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I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.
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... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.
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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
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A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
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Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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