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Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss we touch gloves.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Gloves
Kiss
Kissing
Touch
Morning
Fighting
Inspirational
Fang
Always
Fangs

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I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
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My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.
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If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.
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All mothers are working mothers.
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Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
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Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.
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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.
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self-pity is better than none.
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There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money.
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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
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I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book or a friend who's #read one.
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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