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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.
Phyllis Diller
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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Trash
Garbage
Competition
Stand
Lying
Inspirational
Fang
House
Fangs
Around
More quotes by Phyllis Diller
It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core.
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The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
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My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.
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Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
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I became a stand-up comedienne because I had a sit-down husband.
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In most states you can get a driver's license when you're sixteen years old, which made a lot of sense to me when I was sixteen years old but now seems insane.
Phyllis Diller
My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.
Phyllis Diller
I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
Phyllis Diller
If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.
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We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
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There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money.
Phyllis Diller
I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!
Phyllis Diller
If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
Phyllis Diller
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller
