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Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Lying
Inspirational
House
Fang
Around
Fangs
Trash
Garbage
Competition
Stand

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This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
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I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
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I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
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My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.
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I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.
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My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.
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I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: I'm not losing a son I'm gaining a couch.
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Your husband is lazy if the directions on his medicine say, A teaspoon before going to bed, and in one day he uses seven bottles.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'
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My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.
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My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.
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Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
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Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.
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How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.
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If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.
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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
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