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For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.

Phyllis Diller

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Phyllis Diller
Age: 95 †
Born: 1917
Born: July 17
Died: 2012
Died: August 20
Actor
Comedian
Comedienne
Film Actor
Stage Actor
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Lima
Ohio
Phyllis Ada Driver
Phyllis Driver
Phyllis Ada Diller
Fang
Moving
Fangs
Inspirational
Bed
Career
Careers
Move
Morning
Getting

More quotes by Phyllis Diller

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If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
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Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.
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You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
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I have so many liver spots, I ought to come with a side of onions.
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My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.
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You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.
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This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
Phyllis Diller
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I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.
Phyllis Diller
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We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
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I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.
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When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
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I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.
Phyllis Diller
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It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.
Phyllis Diller
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We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .
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A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are.
Phyllis Diller
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Comedy is tragedy revisited.
Phyllis Diller
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Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
Phyllis Diller
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You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
Phyllis Diller
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My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.
Phyllis Diller